


小偷玫瑰 · Voleur de Roses

by fefedove



Series: Yizhan Translations [4]
Category: Chinese Actor RPF, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Closeted Character, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Police, ish, slowburn, they fuckbuddies, why cant they just be happy, xz is an asshole, yibo is dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:42:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22506502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fefedove/pseuds/fefedove
Summary: Wang Yibo runs away from home and runs into Xiao Zhan. They're not supposed to meet again, but they do, when the flowers bloom."I stole a rose but couldn't bring it home."
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo & Xiao Zhan, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan, 博君一肖 - Relationship
Series: Yizhan Translations [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619332
Comments: 209
Kudos: 371





	1. 01.

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [【博君一肖】 小偷玫瑰](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21144488) by [AbyssJIN](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbyssJIN/pseuds/AbyssJIN). 



> voleur de roses: thief of roses (perfume from l'artisan)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta: write your fic
> 
> me: *pretends not to see my hundreds of wips* ANYWAY HERES ANOTHER TRANSLATION FIC :DDDDDD
> 
> so this is a classic in the chinese fandom and i'm super happy that the author gave me permission to translate it. the style is completely different from the way i usually write, so i hope i do it justice
> 
> i'll be posting as i translate, so feedback and critique are much loved!

Wang Yibo lies on his side, facing the thick board. Ears pressed to the pillow, he can hear the metallic grating of wheels against the railroad track, and the clanking that trains always have.

He left in too much of a hurry. All he has now is the wool jacket wrapped around him. Luoyang’s winters are cold and the train is cold too. Maybe it’ll get better when he gets to the south. It’ll be warmer there, at least.

He pulls the blanket around him. He doesn’t know how many people have used it since its last wash, but he hasn’t washed his jacket in a long while either.

It’s New Year’s Eve and there aren’t many people on the train. Most have already gone home.

The train pulls to a stop and some people come on. The light isn’t on in the carriage and everyone searches for their bunk in a loud mess. His leg is touched a few times. Then someone touches his ass and he grits out a “fuck off,” scaring the guy, who replies, “How come people are so impolite nowadays?”

Yibo doesn’t reply.

The train starts rolling again. Another person comes. He can feel the person walk to his side, but nobody touches him this time. There are some rustles and then, silence.

He can smell an herbal medicine scent without turning around. It’s not like the old medicine smell from his home. It’s faint and carries a tinge of fragrance. It's a memory from his childhood and can sense it no matter how faint.

Is it some old guy who takes a bunch of traditional Chinese medicine? No, it’s probably a pretty girl.

When he wakes, it’s still early, but the carriage is already illuminated. He lifts a corner of the curtain. There are farms outside and he doesn’t know where he is.

He looks down at the man who appeared sometime and is now sleeping across from him. A clean black fringe rests on his forehead. From his closed eyes, it’s clear that his lashes are long.

Yibo tussles at his blond hair that he hasn’t cut in months. That guy is probably some rich boy. But why would a rich boy take the slowest train?

He decides to go to the bathroom. Most of the people in the car are still sleeping. The guy in the middle bunk before him is snoring. His phone tossed carelessly on the bed while he’s still snoring. It’s a new Nokia E73. He can probably sell it secondhand for around 1000 yuan. That's a pretty big sum. 

He walks over, hands trailing along the side of the bed. The phone falls into his sleeve, completely traceless.

When he’s back, the guy across from him has gotten up. He's just washed his face and is wiping it with a tissue. A few water droplets still hang on his face, making him look clean yet pale in the morning light.

When Yibo bends down, he catches a whiff. The herbal scent came from him.

The bunk above the guy is an old grandpa and grandma. They totter down the bunk and bend over to pull out the suitcase under the bed. The man stands up and lets them sit on his bed. He very naturally sits over by Wang Yibo’s side.

And gets really close.

Yibo looks at him with some confusion. There’s so much space on that bed for him to sit in.

“Thank you, young man. My body’s not like before.”

“It’s alright,” he says. “You two can sit. I’ll just sit with my friend.”

When did they become friends?

Yibo doesn’t refute him.

The old granny digs some sausages out of her bag for them. Yibo looks outside the window; the man accepts it and hands him one. Yibo doesn’t take it, so he stuffs it into his hand.

“Young man, what’s your name?” the elders ask. “Where are you going?”

“I’m Xiao Zhan.” He nudges Yibo’s arm. “They’re talking to you.”

“Wang Yibo.” After saying his name, he goes back to looking at the trees flashing past the window.

“I’m going to Chongqing,” Xiao Zhan says.

Wang Yibo freezes. He’s going to Chongqing too.

Actually, he just bought a random ticket. He didn’t plan anywhere, but he could get a sleeper on this train and Chongqing might be warm.

“That’s the final stop.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re getting off the next stop.”

The seniors take some cakes out of their bag for them, saying they won’t need it after they get off.

Thanking them, Xiao Zhan accepts the cakes and shoves them into Yibo’s lap. Yibo turns to glare at him. What does this guy want? He puts the stuff on the little table before him.

Xiao Zhan sits next to him for a while before getting up and leaving. Yibo hears the annoying snores finally stop and then Xiao Zhan says to the guy, “You dropped your phone.”

Yibo silently touches his pocket. It’s empty.

Xiao Zhan goes back to him, not leaving until the old man and woman leave.

Yibo’s hungry. He hasn’t eaten the entire day and feels like shit now. Xiao Zhan tears open a cake for him, along with a bottle of water.

Accepting them, Yibo eats the cake and drinks half the bottle. After thinking for a long while, he finally asks softly, “You too?”

Xiao Zhan shakes his head, a sausage in his mouth. He pulls a police badge out of his bag. Wang Yibo stops talking.

He rests on the bed. It feels like his stomach got filled with just a piece of cake and he doesn’t dare open the water bottle on the table again. Xiao Zhan ignores him too.

The train will arrive at Chongqing at 3 p.m. Around noon, the attendant comes to sell lunch with his cart. It’s 15 yuan per serving, coming with a tiny drumstick—a total rip-off. Wang Yibo gets hungry again at the smell. He just pulls his jacket tighter around him.

It’s too expensive. Fifteen can last him two days at home.

“You’re not eating?” Xiao Zhan asks him.

Yibo shakes his head. He’s scared—and doesn’t dare not to reply.

“Not hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“Or you don’t have money?”

This time, he doesn’t reply.

Xiao Zhan buys two lunches and hands Yibo one. He hesitates for a long time, but mutters thanks and hunches over the table, eating across from Xiao Zhan. He takes a sip of the water when he chokes and swallows quietly.

“Is prison food bad?” he asks, head lowered as he tears off the last bit of meat from the drumstick.

Xiao Zhan looks at him. “I’m not arresting you.”

“Thanks.” Yibo sniffs.

He never thought that a police would talk peacefully with him and treat him to a meal.

“You’re running after breaking the law?” Xiao Zhan asks.

“No.” Yibo shovels the last bit of rice into his mouth. “Running for my life.”

“Who’s trying to kill you? Why don’t you call the cops?” Xiao Zhan finds it funny.

Yibo wrinkles his nose and scratches his head. “The cops don't care about this stuff.”

“What stuff?”

Wang Yibo bites his lip. He doesn’t want to answer, but it feels like he’s getting interrogated at the station now. He’s too scared to not reply.

“I fucked with the local gangster’s girlfriend…”

“Oh, yeah, you should get beaten for that. But no one would kill you.”

“No, when we did that, they already broke up. But then they got back together and that dumbass kept screaming on the street that he’s gonna kill me. He really did kill someone before. I saw it. I saw him stab that guy to death. That guy got stabbed just for sleeping with his girlfriend. He tossed a dead dog into my yard too. I was too scared to open the door.”

At Chongqing, they get off the train together. At the exit of the station, Xiao Zhan asks where he’s going and if he needs a ride. He can call a taxi. Wang Yibo shakes his head.

To be honest, he doesn’t know where to go. But Chongqing is indeed warmer than Luoyang.

“It’s easy to find work in Chongqing.”

Xiao Zhan tells him a place that he can check out. Yibo repeats it twice and memorizes it.

“If you get arrested, don’t say you know me if you see me.” That’s the last thing Xiao Zhan says to him before getting on the taxi.

“I know.”

He pulls down his jacket zipper, wanting to use his last bit of money to buy a map. People say it’s easy to get lost in Chongqing. He has around 100 yuan and the hostel shouldn’t cost that much. If he really can’t survive, he can just go back to his old “job.” It makes money fast.

He walks to a newspaper stand and asks for a map. Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a wad of money. Other than his wrinkled clump of change, there are also five red bills, folded up neatly.

Wang Yibo stands there at the newspaper stand, staring at the five hundreds for a long while, until the owner calls out at him. He hands the owner a five yuan bill. He puts the map and change into his pocket, along with the five new bills, and buttons the pocket up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: not too sure when this fic takes place, but it's probably a few years back because 15 yuan for a train lunch is way too cheap now and who tf uses a map still lol
> 
> Also tbh babie yibo getting too scared to drink water because he thinks officer xiao is going to arrest him makes me uwu


	2. 02.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their story continues in the spring.

Wang Yibo didn’t think he’d see Xiao Zhan again.

It’s spring, when the flowers are in bloom. Xiao Zhan stands before the winter jasmines on the side of the road. He’s wearing his navy uniform with a pale blue collar and his tie is stuffed neatly inside the jacket.

Yibo doesn’t know if he should call out to him. The red light turns green and then red. Finally, he gives up, deciding to leave at the green light.

“Wang Yibo!”

Xiao Zhan saw him.

He walks over and crosses a leg over the backseat. Holding onto Yibo’s shoulder, he says, “Let’s get over there first.”

Yibo rides the motorbike smoothly. Xiao Zhan compliments him, saying he can’t even ride a bicycle.

Yibo’s hair is short now—similar to Xiao Zhan’s hairstyle last year but a dyed brown. It’s soft and falls down gently, making him look like a good little boy with youthful features to match.

“How old are you?”

“Nineteen now.”

“So you’re only 18 last year?”

“Yeah.” Yibo keeps driving. He doesn’t know where Xiao Zhan needs to go. He just goes wherever the man tells him. “You?”

“Twenty-five. I’m so much older than you.”

He gets Xiao Zhan to the place. He doesn’t even know where this is. Xiao Zhan gets off, tidies up his clothes, and thanks him.

“I can’t even get a taxi in this uniform.”

His senior called him over on an emergency and he didn’t have time to change his clothes. While he’s about to leave, Yibo feels around his pocket and seems to want to say something. Xiao Zhan stops and waits.

“I didn’t bring enough money.”

“What money?”

“The 500 you gave me. I need to pay you back.”

Thinking back, Xiao Zhan laughs. “You’re rich now?”

“I at least got 500.”

“Next time. I’ll go look for you.”

He pats Yibo’s shoulder and turns, but the boy grabs his elbow.

“You know where to find me?”

Oh, he doesn’t. He said it offhandedly, never really planned on making the boy to pay him back.

“Give me your number.” He hands Yibo his phone. “I’ll contact you when I’m free.”

He doesn’t give Yibo his own number.

When Wang Yibo gets the call, he’s unloading supplies. He puts the phone to his ears and hears Xiao Zhan’s voice. Getting distracted, a pipe rolls out of the truck and crashes into his thigh.

He forces back the grunt of pain.

“Free today?” Xiao Zhan asks in the phone.

“Yeah,” he says, hiding in the corner of the street after putting the box in the shop.

The shop isn’t slow at all. Way too many people come to get auto maintenance on the weekend.

“I’ll come over.”

“Then I’ll pick you up. Where’ll you be waiting?”

Yibo asks for a break. His boss doesn’t let him, but he doesn’t care. After moving in the supplies, he tosses down his repair clothes and gloves.

“I’m docking your pay!”

“Do it.”

He gets onto his bike and leaves.

Xiao Zhan is waiting for him by those flowers again. This time, he’s wearing a black Nike jacket and a white t-shirt inside.

Sitting in the backseat of the motorbike, he sees Yibo keep trying to nudge forward. He asks what’s wrong, but Yibo just shakes his head and moves back a little.

Yibo’s afraid of getting the man’s white shirt dirty. But then he realizes that he’d changed his clothes early. He’s clean.

The _hutong_ alley is deep and full of twists and turns that make Xiao Zhan dizzy. Finally, they stop before the innermost three-floor building. It’s an old red-tiled thing with a bunch of stuff piled in the halls—cardboard boxes, wooden planks, and even a water tank.

Wang Yibo lives at the top floor. He has a bedroom, a kitchen, and a bathroom. To be honest, it’s too small to even be a one-room apartment.

He’s a bit embarrassed to let Xiao Zhan in, but the man walks in comfortably. He sits down on the bed, saying this place is nice. Yibo nods. It really is nice for him. At least, it’s better than the 16-person room in the hostel.

He pulls 500 yuan out of the drawer. Xiao Zhan takes the money and puts it to the side while asking if he has air conditioning. Yibo turns on the fan.

“I’m not asking for the fan.” Xiao Zhan reaches over and turns it off. “If you don’t have air conditioning, how do you survive Chongqing’s summer?”

“I’m not home a lot. When I get back at night, I take a shower and it’s not that hot.”

“What do you do now?”

“Fix cars and sell some accessories and stuff.”

He sits on a stool across from Xiao Zhan. It’s tiny, making his long legs look cramped. Xiao Zhan reaches out and messes with his hair, finally pulling out a catkin. He blows on it. It falls onto Yibo’s thigh, right where he got hit today.

Yibo looks down. He flinches in pain, but he knows it’s all mental. It’s just a catkin.

“Not bad, Wang Yibo.”

“Are you this good to everyone?”

“Huh?”

Xiao Zhan looks into Wang Yibo’s eyes. They’re so clean. He doesn’t look like someone who would steal without blinking.

“Giving 500 to a stranger.”

“Oh, that.” Xiao Zhan leans back, thinking back to when he stuffed the money into the boy’s pocket. “You’re pretty and I was scared you’ll do stupid things for money. There were a lot of prostitution raids during that time.”

“Fuck,” Yibo curses, looking to the side. He’d rather die on the streets than sell his body.

Xiao Zhan laughs happily at his reaction. “Didn’t your mommy teach you to go to the police if you have trouble?”

“Can’t. The cops at home hate me.” Yibo’s lips curl up too. He’s kinda proud?

“This police gege doesn’t hate you. You can come to me if you have trouble.”

He sends Xiao Zhan off. Coming back, he finds the 500 yuan still laying on his bed. Some bills were blown into the cracks too. He pulls them out, folds them up nicely, and puts them back into the drawer. He texts Xiao Zhan, saying he forgot his money.

Xiao Zhan replies, _next time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they have a sweet, chaste kiss in the next chap (jk but seriously)


	3. 03.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you tried mixing watermelon with beer?

Summer is coming to Chongqing. It really is hot. Last year, when Wang Yibo couldn’t stand the heat, he could only shove his head inside the fridge and got a few colds from that.

The fridge was there when he moved in. It was ancient, but it worked when he plugged it in, so he kept it. It’s not the coldest and he doesn’t cook, so it’s always empty, save for some beer. In the summer, he puts a watermelon in the biggest compartment.

Xiao Zhan, wearing a tank top and his shorts, is sleeping on his bed. The bamboo mat on the bed cools them down. Back in Luoyang, Yibo loved lying on the bamboo in front of the fan during the summer. It’s comfortable, except your hair can get caught in it.

Yibo sprawls on the side, playing Tetris on Xiao Zhan’s phone. He doesn’t stop until he breaks the record and turns the phone off, satisfied. He reaches over to stop the fan from turning. Xiao Zhan likes to have the fan blow in his face when he sleeps and Yibo’s afraid he’ll get a stroke or something.

Recently, Xiao Zhan is working on some civil dispute case nearby. It’s all old people who can’t talk clearly or understand reasoning. They don’t care if it’s day or night, weekend or work day either when they fight.

Yibo heard them argue once. It was all in the Chongqing dialect and he couldn’t understand a word, but they were definitely intimidating enough.

It’s headache-inducing for Xiao Zhan every day. After he convinces them to go eat lunch, he would call Yibo to ride his motorbike over and pick him up. When he gets to Yibo’s apartment, he falls asleep without even eating.

Once, Yibo played on Xiao Zhan’s phone until it died. Xiao Zhan was dead asleep and Yibo sprawled next to him, sleeping like a pig too. The two slept from noon to morning of the next day, when Xiao Zhan wakes up feeling invigorated. But then he looks at the clock on the wall, pulls his phone out of Yibo’s pocket, and promptly kicks Yibo’s ass.

He plugs in his phone to see countless missed calls. He calls his leader back but gets his head screamed off before he can even open his mouth. Apparently, that old granny almost passed out from crying last afternoon. And where the fuck was he this entire time?

Xiao Zhan apologizes while putting on his clothes. When he hangs up, he sees Yibo resting against the wall, clutching a pillow, and looking blearily at him. Xiao Zhan jabs a finger in his direction but doesn’t know what to say.

“Bring the phone over after it’s done charging.”

“Same place?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Wang Yibo nods and tries to lie back down, but Xiao Zhan kicks him again.

“Get up. Bring me over there first.”

Yibo’s boss is on vacation with his family. He’s the only one watching the store, so he runs out as soon as business slows down at noon.

When he goes to pick Xiao Zhan up, they’re still arguing. He sits on a stool to the side and helps Xiao Zhan out, making comments here and there. When others ask who he is, he says that he’s just a good neighbor.

The civil dispute case doesn’t end until half a month later. Somehow, the old granny’s kids finally found it in them to bring their parents away. She was so happy that she gifted Xiao Zhan a banner.

Xiao Zhan brings the banner to Yibo’s apartment after work and hangs it on the bare wall.

“That’s so ugly,” Yibo complains.

“It’s an honor.” Xiao Zhan salutes with mock seriousness. “You know what she said? ‘Even my neighbor’s kids care about me, but my own kids don’t.’ I think that’s what got to them. It’s all you.”

Yibo’s lips twitch. This works. He never got any awards in his life, let alone a banner. Even though it says Xiao Zhan’s name on it.

Xiao Zhan opens the fridge. Other than beer, there’s only the fried chicken that Yibo didn’t finish yesterday. He doesn’t have an appetite.

Yibo digs out some money, saying he got paid today, so he can treat Xiao Zhan for dinner. But Xiao Zhan just lazes on the bed, telling the boy to go buy it alone. He doesn’t want to move.

He kicks off his slippers and takes up the entire bed. Stretching an arm out, he slaps down the fan’s button. After sleeping here a few times, he realizes that he’s in love with Yibo’s bed, especially the bamboo sheet. If only he can bring it home.

Yibo asks him what he wants to eat.

“Anything.”

“Eat shit.”

“Fuck off.”

Wang Yibo comes back with a bunch of _chuan’r_. They climb to the rooftop; the weather’s cool tonight.

They move some chairs over and bring up all the beer in the fridge. Yibo finds a basin, fills it with cold water, and puts the new watermelon in.

As a mountain city, Chongqing’s geography is really strange. From the rooftop of the third-floor building, they’re faced with another street. Under the night sky, the lights are like a maze.

“Do you miss home?” Xiao Zhan swirls the glass bottle. The beer inside splashes around.

“It’s okay. I’m used to it.”

Yibo opens the last bottle of beer, but Xiao Zhan steals it. He didn’t finish his own.

“Want watermelon?”

“Yeah. I want the sweet one.”

Yibo dumps the water from the basin and cuts the watermelon in half. He places one half on Xiao Zhan’s lap and sticks a spoon into it.

Xiao Zhan scoops out the center in a perfect circle. It’s the sweetest part.

“Here, Wang Yibo.”

He puts the spoon to Yibo’s mouth. The piece is too big and Yibo can’t even close his mouth, watermelon juice dribbling down his chin. The sight makes Xiao Zhan laugh. He eats the surroundings and the hole in the middle gets bigger. Then he pours the beer in, mixing the watermelon juice with alcohol.

Xiao Zhan is drunk, Yibo thinks. His cheeks and the tip of his nose are red. And he just sits there eating his watermelon, not saying a word.

“Tastes good?”

Xiao Zhan lifts his spoon and Yibo scoots over. The juice mixed with beer flow into his throat. His Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows.

“It’s not sweet anymore,” he says.

“No?” Frowning, Xiao Zhan takes a bite. “It’s sweet.”

Wang Yibo doesn’t know how he kissed Xiao Zhan’s lips. He doesn’t know if it’s an impulsive action or if he’s had these thoughts for a long while.

It’s sweet.

The half-eaten watermelon gets crushed under their feet, but the tip of Xiao Zhan’s tongue is sweet.

Yibo thinks of that scent from a year ago. No, it’s different.

Right now, Xiao Zhan is too sweet.

The next day, they lay in bed without talking. The only sound in the room is the whirring of the fan.

Yibo pokes Xiao Zhan’s back, asking if he’s okay.

Xiao Zhan ignores him. He turns on his phone to confirm that it’s Saturday.

Looking up, he sees the body wash spilled from the table to the ground. The bottle is empty; the room is filled with the scent. His body too.

He never knew that this shit could be used for sex.

“You okay?” Yibo nudges him with an elbow.

“Can’t you shut up?” he replies, annoyed.

Yibo stops talking.

There’s still some of that stuff left on him. It’s sticky. He reaches for the pillow under Yibo’s head and tugs it over to cover his face. He wants to flip over. His behind hurts like hell.

“Forget it.”

“Forget what?”

“What the fuck do you think?!”

“Oh.”

Yibo stares up at the ceiling. He can’t figure out how they got into bed last night. He just remembers that Xiao Zhan kept saying it hurt and then… They still fucked for a long time.

Xiao Zhan takes a shower and insists on leaving. Seeing how it’s hard for him to even stand, Yibo tells him to rest a little. He can buy breakfast. Xiao Zhan refuses.

After he sends Xiao Zhan to the street, the man gets on a taxi and leaves. Yibo goes back home to clean up. He can’t scrub away the smell of body wash on the floor and table. It’s sickeningly sweet.

He stares at the part of the table that he just scrubbed. It’s still damp. He sniffs.

If he ever had certain thoughts about Xiao Zhan, it’s probably the first time he caught a whiff of that herbal scent on the train. He didn’t know who it was. He thought it was a gentle and pretty girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *chuan'r: lamb skewer kebab things
> 
> please leave comments T_T


	4. 04.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You wanna do it?"
> 
> "With me?"
> 
> Xiao Zhan sighs and hangs up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the support so far!
> 
> in this chap: straight guys become less straight

They must have some special fate that allows them to keep meeting each other for no reason.

Wang Yibo goes to return the car to a client. He drives to the place and hands the car over, but the old white-haired man stops him.

“Zhan, you’re on the way. Give this kid a ride back.”

They both look up and their eyes meet. They look away at the same time.

“You need me to give you a ride?” It’s not really a question and the tone isn’t exactly polite.

“What’s that attitude? Give him a ride.”

Xiao Zhan gets yelled at by the old man before Yibo can even refuse him.

“Just take me to the stop over there,” Yibo says, getting on the car.

“What? Afraid of me going to your place?”

“No.” Yibo shakes his head. “Afraid you’re too scared to go.”

Xiao Zhan drives steadily, just like how he is.

It’s hard to drive in the hutong where Yibo’s apartment is. Xiao Zhan stops at the fork and Yibo unbuckles his seatbelt, opening the door. But then he turns back, saying, “I didn’t return the 500 yet. Wait. I’ll go get it.”

Laughing, Xiao Zhan says, “Was 500 not enough?”

The retort disgusts Yibo. He stares at the Spiderman bobblehead in the car for a moment before turning to say, “You don’t need to pay to sleep with me.”

When he comes back with the money, the street is empty. He expected this.

But even if he returns the money now, they still wouldn’t be cleared.

Wang Yibo can’t sleep at night, so he goes to an internet bar and clicks on some porn. It feels like his head’s about to explode after watching.

He buys a pack of cigarettes at the counter and chokes on the first inhale. He always gives up at the first inhale; he doesn’t go for a second try this time either. Leaning back in the chair, he stares at the computer’s green desktop, wondering how much it hurt for Xiao Zhan that day.

Summer’s about to end. They didn’t meet again.

One night, Yibo works in the shop until 11 p.m. He’s just about to close when a guy runs in with a mountain bike, asking if he could fix it.

Yibo doesn’t even touch that mangled bike. He’d rather build a new bike than fix that thing.

Hugging his bike, heartbroken, the guy pulls out his phone.

“Xiao Zhan, you motherfucker… Fuck…Ge, Zhan-ge…I don’t need you to pay for my bike. Go to the hospital, alright?”

He lifts the bike out.

Wang Yibo changes his clothes and closes the shop. He calls Xiao Zhan, but the call doesn’t connect. He keeps calling and finally, someone answers. It’s not Xiao Zhan’s voice.

“Where’s Xiao Zhan? What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s okay. He just got drunk and wanted to learn how to ride a bike and fell.”

“Is it bad?”

“Nah, just some scrapes.”

Thanking him, Yibo hangs up. _Only some scratches when the bike’s that bad? Pretty lucky, huh._

As soon as he wakes up the next day, he thinks of how Xiao Zhan would react when he sees all those missed calls. He holds his phone and keeps typing, deleting, typing, deleting, finally giving up.

At night, he sends: _I hope you get well soon._

Xiao Zhan sends a long string of ellipses.

Thinking a bit, Yibo calls him.

“How are you?”

“Just some scrapes. It’s not cancer. Surprised?”

He can still joke around, so he should be fine.

“How did you know?”

“Guess.”

“Fuck, don’t scare me…”

“Look outside your window,” Yibo says, lowering his voice.

“Wang Yibo…” Xiao Zhan’s voice suddenly softens. “Look behind you. Do you feel someone blowing into your ear?”

As soon as he finishes, Yibo feels a chill shoot up his spine. But it’s just Xiao Zhan breathing into the phone.

“Xiao Zhan, are you crazy?”

For the first time, Yibo feels that the bamboo sheet under him is too cold. He can’t help but shudder.

“F…” He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t want to curse at Xiao Zhan.

Both ends fall silent. Until Xiao Zhan asks, “You wanna do it?”

“Huh?”

“I kind of want to.”

“With me?” Yibo can’t really process this.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t reply. He sighs and hangs up.

Wang Yibo eats his watermelon on the rooftop. The season’s over and it’s not as sweet anymore.

Does Xiao Zhan want to have sex with him? While sober? Is this gay? He doesn’t even know if he can get hard.

The weather cools down and gets hot again. Yibo rests on his bed, in front of the fan. He thinks of those days when Xiao Zhan took his afternoon naps here. It was always this position, right before the fan.

He calls Xiao Zhan. “Wanna come over? I’ll pick you up.”

He’s embarrassed when he goes to buy the things, but he puts on his bitch face and the store owner doesn’t dare to ask anything. He also buys beer. He’s afraid he won’t get hard.

But those thoughts disappear when he presses Xiao Zhan to the bed with a kiss. When he grabs Xiao Zhan’s dick, he even asks, a bit angrily, why he’s not hard. Xiao Zhan says that it’s probably scared of him.

Yibo stops talking. He doesn’t say anything the entire time, no matter how Xiao Zhan calls for him.

They mess around for a few hours. Outside, the sky is red with the setting sun.

Xiao Zhan lies on his side in his usual spot, the fan blowing at his face. There’s sweat on his forehead and he gets a headache after a while, so he turns the fan off.

Yibo scoots over and hugs his waist from behind, asking if it hurts. Xiao Zhan shakes his head. It doesn’t hurt at all. Maybe it’s because he’s already had much worse.

“Why do you wanna do it with me?” Yibo asks.

“Because I want to.” Xiao Zhan stares at somewhere, blanking out. After a while, he rolls onto his back and stretches. “It’s different from doing it with girls. Not bad.”

Yibo laughs. When Xiao Zhan asks him what he’s laughing at, he gets close to Xiao Zhan’s ears. “Zhan-ge moans more prettily than girls.”

Xiao Zhan kicks him.

“Seems like it really doesn’t hurt. Should I go harder next time?”

Xiao Zhan ignores him. After a while, he asks, “What were you sniffing earlier?”

Yibo freezes. Sniffing? What was he sniffing? He doesn’t even know.

“That smell on you that first day. That’s all I remember.”

He’d thought for a long while, but that’s the only thing in his mind. He doesn’t know why he remembers that smell. Maybe it’s some kind of obsession.

“What smell?”

“Just… Like Chinese medicine.”

“Oh. You like it?”

“Yeah.”

The corner of Xiao Zhan’s lips twitch.


	5. 05.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wang Yibo leans against the rooftop railing, looking down and rubbing at the nail marks on his palms. He rubs them until his hands are red, but the marks don’t fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate chapter summary: closet gay is closeted and in extreme denail
> 
> also, this chapter was translated at 5 am because i got up at 4 to buy bts concert tickets. i apologize for any mistakes

From the end of summer to the beginning of winter, they did it so many times, always in Wang Yibo’s tiny studio apartment.

The bamboo mat is put away; the electric fan too. Xiao Zhan still likes Yibo’s bed. It’s not too soft, not too hard—just right. He also likes that one spot. If the curtains aren’t pulled, he can see the Chinese skullcap tree outside.

Yibo starts playing Snake. Xiao Zhan looks away from the window and kicks him. “Don’t use up all my battery.”

The boy replies with an “Mn” and keeps playing, even though the phone’s battery is already flashing red.

“Can’t you use your own phone?”

When there’s no response, Xiao Zhan turns to take the phone back, but Yibo dodges him. He’s only forced to give up when a call comes. Xiao Zhan picks up and only says two words before the phone dies. He hits Yibo again.

The high scores on his phone’s games are all Wang Yibo. When he puts in his name, he only types “Zhan,” but Yibo is different. He insists on typing all three characters.

Once, Xiao Zhan’s nephew played on his phone. He got onto the high score rank for Snake with much difficulty, but Yibo beat him the very next day. Seeing his record gone, the kid started crying. His mom looked at the phone and asked him who Wang Yibo is. _Why does he play on your phone every day?_

Xiao Zhan cleared all the records, saying that it was a bored new colleague.

He plugs in his phone and calls back after the phone turns back on. Yibo lies in bed. He doesn’t know what Xiao Zhan is talking about, just that he keeps saying, “Okay.” After hanging up, he puts his clothes on to leave.

Yibo doesn’t make him stay. Xiao Zhan never stays the night. He always goes back after resting for a while, other than the first time he overslept because his phone died and the second time when he got drunk and they over-fucked.

In the beginning, Yibo felt like he was getting whored, but as they kept doing it, he got used to it.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t come for the next month. Sometimes Yibo looks for him, but Xiao Zhan rejects him. It makes him uncomfortable. He never rejects Xiao Zhan.

He likes to sleep on his side at home. Xiao Zhan likes sleeping on his side too, back facing him. He doesn’t know that Xiao Zhan likes looking at the tree outside the window. He only knows that when he sleeps on his side, he can smell the scent on the pillow.

Ever since he told Xiao Zhan that he likes the herbal scent, he’s able to smell it whenever Xiao Zhan comes. He doesn’t know if it’s Chinese medicine or perfume. It’s always faint, just a tinge, but as time went by, it still clung to the pillow.

The next time they meet, the year is almost over. There’s no central heating in the south and Wang Yibo doesn’t have air conditioning. They hide in the blankets but it’s too cold to want to do anything after they strip.

The two lay in bed, both awake but silent. It started getting awkward after they got into bed to sleep.

Yibo tucks in the covers and moves to Xiao Zhan’s side. _How about I kiss you?_ Xiao Zhan shakes his head. _Maybe we’ll feel like doing it after we kiss._

And they indeed do it after they kiss.

Their most innocent kiss was the one on the rooftop in the summer that tasted like watermelon and beer, Yibo thinks.

When they’re about to reach the climax, Xiao Zhan’s phone rings. He ignores it the first time, but it keeps ringing. He pushes Yibo, telling him to wait.

“Wait until we’re done.”

“No.” Xiao Zhan pushes down on his leg so he stops. “It’s my mom.”

Wang Yibo is unwilling, but he can only stop and wait.

While listening to Xiao Zhan talk, he holds onto the man’s dick. Xiao Zhan glares at him a couple of times and he just sticks out his tongue, snickering.

“What’s wrong?”

He forces a moan out of Xiao Zhan as soon as hangs up. He saw Xiao Zhan’s brows gradually furrow through the phone call.

“My mom told me to go home for New Years and go on blind dates. She wants me to be more proactive.”

“Oh.” Yibo doesn’t stop. He presses down on Xiao Zhan, thrusting harder and harder. “Do you even get hard with women?”

“Fuck… How do you know I don’t get hard?”

“Does she know you sleep with men?”

Xiao Zhan swallows his moan and covers his eyes with an arm.

“Please, Wang Yibo. I’m not gay.”

Yibo stops talking. He moves a few times more but doesn’t come. Neither of them do. He removes himself and rests on the side for a while. Then he gets off bed and takes some clothes to shower.

“You’re no fun,” he tells Xiao Zhan.

When he comes out of the shower, Xiao Zhan is already gone. It’s cold and Xiao Zhan’s half of the bed already lost its warmth. It’s like he was never here.

Yibo doesn’t go home for New Years. He couldn’t get train tickets and he’s used to it. He calls home, saying that he’s doing well outside. He’s working at a car repair shop now—a legit job. Hearing this, his parents are even happier than if he went home. At home, he’s an infamous bad boy. He’s stolen, fought, done everything. So many windows had broken because of him.

He says he’s not going home this year. His parents tell him to take care of himself and let them know if he needs money. He says that he has money, saved up a little. They tell him to bring a girlfriend back next time. He agrees, saying a bunch of pretty girls like him.

It’s true. He’s attractive and girls love going to the shop for him. When there are more girls, more guys come too, and business improves. That’s also why his boss lets him ditch work without any warning.

New Year’s Eve, Wang Yibo sits in bed and watches TV. His phone is full of group chats wishing everyone a happy new year. He doesn’t feel like looking. When it’s almost midnight, someone calls him. He grabs his phone with a shred of hope, but it’s his boss. The man brought dumplings and told him to go get it downstairs.

He kind of wants to cry when he gets the two boxes of dumplings. His eyes redden instantly. Shocked, the boss shoves the dumplings at him, tells him to heat it up before eating, and runs. Yibo eats all of them—one box hot, one box cold. He’s so full he wants to throw up and the cold dumplings turn in his stomach.

He sleeps after midnight, but he wakes up late at night from stomach pain. He can’t move from bed and the taste of dumplings and acid fills his throat. Climbing out of bed, he throws up in the bathroom. When he gets back, he curls himself up in his blankets in a fetal position.

He wants to go back to Luoyang, but he’s afraid that he wouldn’t want to come back again. And Xiao Zhan won’t be able to find him.

Even though they haven’t contacted each other since the end of the year. Not even a forwarded spam message for the new year.

The shop opens up on February 14. Yibo sleeps until noon and says that he can’t get his sleep schedule straight. His boss teases him, saying he doesn’t even have a significant other. Yibo sticks his chin up. _Just wait. I might get one today._

The boss doesn’t doubt him. He suggests Yibo think about what the girls will gift him this year.

Around one p.m., he’s fixing up a car in the shop and his phone vibrates. It’s a text, but he’s too lazy to check. An hour passes by the time he finishes with the car and he checks his phone while washing his hands. It’s Xiao Zhan. He hurriedly wipes his hands on his shirt and reads the message.

_I’m coming over._

Yibo yells to his boss and runs off on his motorbike. When he hurries over, there's no trace of the boy.

There’s a kid standing at the street corner by his house, selling roses. She asks if he wants one. He considers it and buys one, sticking it inside his jacket.

There’s no one outside the apartment building, so he runs to the rooftop. Xiao Zhan is there, basking in the sunshine. It’s a clear day and Xiao Zhan is clad in a black wool coat with glasses. Yibo’s never seen Xiao Zhan like this before. It somehow stops him from walking over.

“What’s wrong?” Xiao Zhan asks.

“You’re too pretty,” Yibo says, standing over there.

Actually, his first thought was that maybe Xiao Zhan is going to go meet some girl and go on a Valentine’s Day date.

This kind of Xiao Zhan doesn’t belong to him.

When he gets closer, he catches that fragrance. His hands, inside his pockets, clenches tightly, nails digging into his palm.

Even this fragrance isn’t his anymore.

“How’s your blind date?” he asks.

“So-so.”

“Are you gonna marry her?”

Xiao Zhan shakes his hand. “Who marries right after a blind date?”

Yibo pulls his hand out of his pocket to take Xiao Zhan’s hand, but they’ve never held hands together. In the end, he grabs the sleeve.

“Are we gonna?”

Xiao Zhan looks at the ants on the ground instead of him. After a while, he pulls his sleeve back.

“I’m not going to do this anymore.”

Wang Yibo leans against the rooftop railing, looking down and rubbing at the nail marks on his palms. He rubs them until his hands are red, but the marks don’t fade.

“Why did you sleep with me if you’re not gay?”

“I was drunk.”

“And after that?”

“It felt nice.”

Xiao Zhan’s too lazy to even patronize him now.

“Basically, you never loved me, right?” He turns to look at Xiao Zhan. “Would it work if it’s someone else? Can you tell me no, so I know I’m still a bit special?”

“Wang Yibo, you should go,” Xiao Zhan says instead of answering any of the questions.

Yibo shrugs, giving a short laugh. “Go where?”

“Anywhere. Just stay away from me.”

“But this is my place.”

He doesn’t know why Xiao Zhan opens his mouth to exhale. The hot breath lingers around his lips, making him feel even more like he can no longer reach Xiao Zhan.

“I’m leaving.”

“So you don’t want me anymore, huh,” he says to Xiao Zhan’s back.

Xiao Zhan doesn’t hesitate, footsteps not slowing at all, and disappears from Yibo’s line of sight. Leaning against the railing, he watches Xiao Zhan walk out of the hallway and calls out for him to wait.

“I’ll return the money.”

This time, Xiao Zhan waits.

He goes back to his room and takes the 500 yuan out of the drawer. Takes the rose out of his coat and tosses it into the trash.

He hands the money to Xiao Zhan; Xiao Zhan accepts it and puts it into his pocket. They walk off into opposite directions. Neither look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the support!!! i'm so happy i can share this story with everyone


	6. 06.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Ten thousand per person. He wanted to do it again and give another ten thousand, but I’m not going. Who’d go risk their lives just for that money? If you want, I can introduce you to him.”
> 
> “Sure, I’ll go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: blood, gore, general violence, slight comments about ppl with mental illnesses

Wang Yibo only goes home once in these three years. He stays for two months.

The guy who’d threatened to chop him to bits got arrested for some other crime. The girl goes to find Yibo after learning that he’s back.

She says that she feels regret. She must’ve been blind back then. Wang Yibo is so much hotter than the other guy. Everyone in town praises him for growing more and more attractive.

“I have someone now, waiting for me in Chongqing.”

When he decides to go back, his family doesn’t want him to. He doesn’t know why he insists on leaving either. No one’s waiting for him in Chongqing. Unless you count his boss wanting him to watch over the store.

It’s that night train with Chongqing as the final stop again. He lies there, unable to sleep. At midnight, a girl comes up and gets into the bunk across from him. She carries a light perfume.

Yibo rolls over and faces the wall.

He wishes this girl’s appearance could switch timing with Xiao Zhan. But when the train starts rolling, he thinks that if he’d met this girl back then, she’d probably take one look and ignore him.

Let alone secretly give him 500 yuan.

The boss made some money and opens up another shop. He wants Yibo to manage it, but Yibo rejects him, saying he has feelings for this old shop. The boss teases him. _You just have feelings for the girls here._ He has Yibo stay here while he runs over to the new shop in the city. Life is much more interesting here.

Wang Yibo does have feelings for this place—his apartment, the cramped and damp hutong, his motorcycle friends, and there are some girls too.

He randomly fell in love with motorcycles one day. Buying the bike used up all his savings, but thankfully, he knows how to work on vehicles, so he didn’t spend any extra money.

When he rides the motorcycle, he always passes by the stop where he met Xiao Zhan the first time. The winter jasmines were dug out and replaced with bushes. If he goes further, it’s where Xiao Zhan used to work.

Half a year ago, he heard that Xiao Zhan got transferred. Might’ve been a raise. He doesn’t understand those police ranks, but his friend said that it’s a big deal to reach that position at 28 years of age. That’s when he learned that Xiao Zhan is doing well.

He just wonders if the man is married now.

Chongqing is a peaceful city. When disgusting things pop out, news of it spreads across the entire city.

Wang Yibo has never been interested in civil disputes, nor does he pay attention. But he knows of it this time because of Xiao Zhan.

The younger son was arrested, but his mom made a scene about committing suicide even before he was sentenced. The family had a business before. They’d been rich and powerful, and were spoiled even after they went bankrupt. They thought that the entire world would go their way if they threw a tantrum. But the doctors worked for days and couldn’t save the lady. The older son decided to take revenge and found some guys to beat up the police.

On TV, Yibo watches the guy get pressed onto the ground and yell about how he doesn’t want to live and they’ll all die together. There’s a police officer lying on the side of the video. Before he’s surrounded by people, you can see the hilt of a knife poking out of his stomach. The pale blue shirt is dyed dark red.

Yibo turns off the TV. He leans against the wall, watching the leaves fall down outside the window. Twelve faces had appeared in the footage; he memorized them all. Xiao Zhan must have been in a lot of pain. His features were all scrunched up.

When all the leaves have fallen, he hears that Xiao Zhan is about to get discharged. He’d rested for quite a while. The station gave him a long break so he could rest in peace, but actually, it’s so he doesn’t have to get involved in this anymore. The anti-corruption raid involved too many things this time and should come to an end now.

The dumbass who stabbed Xiao Zhan was freed a few days ago. Apparently, they discovered he has a mental illness, so they sent him to a mental hospital. But he was discharged quickly.

That day, Yibo closes the shop and rides his motorcycle. He passes by a hot pot restaurant and sees the man sitting in there. The red oil bubbles in the pot; his spittle flies through the air.

“Is he really mental?” Yibo asks the person beside him, one leg crossed over his bike.

This alley is busy late at night. It’s not bright and open and there are all kinds of people. He’s hung out here for half a month and basically made friends with everyone he needs to know.

“It’s true, actually. He’s been mental since he was a kid. That’s why his mom had his little brother, but it’s not that serious. He’s probably mostly cured by now.” The guy covered in jiggling fat took another bite of his sheep hoof. “But mostly, it’s because his brother has some guys on the street. Otherwise, we wouldn’t attack cops with him. They say that his brother took responsibility of this thing. The other guys felt bad and pitied him ‘cause his mom just died. He said he’d give us money last time. They didn’t give us shit yet.”

“How much money?”

“Ten thousand per person. He wanted to do it again and give another ten thousand, but I’m not going. Who’d go risk their lives just for that money? If you want, I can introduce you to him.”

“Sure, I’ll go. Thanks, ge. I’ll treat you.”

He gets off the bike and enters the alley, an arm over the fatty’s shoulder. And the fatty never comes back out. Later, someone runs into the alley to piss after getting drunk and sees a pile of fat crying on the ground, covered in blood.

Wang Yibo rides the motorcycle to the hot pot restaurant. The man happens to walk out now, staggering to a car with a girl in his arms.

It’s an old second-hand car. They stuck a bunch of cartoonish stickers onto it, making it completely idiotic

He follows the car. A few guys get off, but the man doesn’t come out. The car drives further and further away from the city. Then it parks at the side of the street. Not even a few seconds pass before they start fucking inside. 

Yibo sneers. Taking his helmet off, he carries it over and smashes the windshield.

The people inside scream and run out. Ignoring the girl, he grabs the man’s hair, throwing him onto the ground. His dick is still hanging out, limp and flaccid. Yibo kicks.

The girl who he was fucking ran out and called the cops. Yibo stops when he hears the sirens. He rests against the car, not beating the guy up anymore, not running either. But the cops still rush over and hold him down. Face pressed against the windshield, he thinks, _shit_. He’s not mental. But then he looks at the man who’s crying like he just gave birth and he changes his mind. It’s better to be more normal.

He sits quietly in the police car with his hands cuffed up, not saying anything. He remembers how, four years ago when he first came to Chongqing, he got off the train with Xiao Zhan. Before leaving, Xiao Zhan told him not to say he knew him if he ever got arrested.

The cop beside him doesn’t know why the guy suddenly nods, and then stops moving again.

 _I know_ , Wang Yibo thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the support so far! we're halfway thru now :)))


	7. 07.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can’t reconnect something that’s been broken. Xiao Zhan feels like he’s too selfish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know if it was clear in the last chapter. yibo saw in the news that someone stabbed xz, so he went and beat the person up.

Xiao Zhan just stays at home after getting discharged. He’s in no hurry to go to work. The station gave him a long break and he knows he can’t go back until this mess is over. He knows all the rules. He arrested someone he shouldn’t have and created a big commotion. He feels disgusted when he thinks about it, but he has no choice if he wants to survive.

If he goes crazy one day, he’ll make those people die with him.

“Zhan.” His mom brings him some milk.

No, he must live well.

“Look at this. He deserves it.”

His mom shows him the news. The guy who’d stabbed Xiao Zhan was beaten up and sent to the hospital. He lost two teeth and has four broken bones, which isn’t that bad. But he also had extreme damages to his sexual organ. He probably won’t be able to touch a girl for the rest of his life.

“Karma bites,” his mom says.

Xiao Zhan’s expression is blank. When he sees the “Mr. Wang” printed in the corner of the news article, he suddenly can’t swallow the milk anymore.

After changing clothes, he hurries to the station. His colleagues are all surprised to see him and he doesn’t even make small talk. He’s never done something so impolite since he started working here. He holds the wrinkled document and sits in the archives room, staring at the name, picture, and signature. He covers his face with the paper.

The most regretful thing he’s done in his life is to get involved with Wang Yibo.

The day Wang Yibo is freed, his boss picks him up. He didn’t stay in jail for too long. His boss says that the anti-corruption policy is really strict nowadays and the father and son didn’t dare to throw too big of a tantrum. It was taken care of with some connections and money. Wang Yibo keeps saying thank you and that he’ll pay him back. His boss waves his hand. There’s no hurry.

Actually, Yibo didn’t think that someone would care. He sits in the car with the window down. The wind blows in, stinging his eyes. He rests his arm on the window frame, supporting his chin, and wipes his eyes.

He already planned it out. He’d stay in jail for a few years, then go back to Luoyang and never come back.

His boss tells him to stop acting so impulsive. What kind of conflict did they have that he was beating the man to death?

Wang Yibo doesn’t answer. When he saw the blood on Xiao Zhan, he really did want to kill.

Autumn drags into winter and the year is almost over. It’s New Year’s Eve the day that Xiao Zhan goes to find Wang Yibo. He remembers that it was also around New Year’s when they’d argued.

Yibo is kneeling on the ground, wiping down his motorcycle. The assistant gets up to welcome the customer, but he doesn’t move. The customer walks softly and he doesn’t even pay attention until he catches that scent. He turns around to see that it really is Xiao Zhan standing behind him.

“How come you’re here?” he asks. He tosses the rag into the basin and walks over to the sink to wash his hands.

Xiao Zhan looks at him. The joy that flashed past Yibo’s eyes when he stood up was like the boy who’d just become of age three years ago.

“Why can’t I come? It would make me seem heartless.”

Wang Yibo stops. He turns off the faucet and grabs the towel hanging on the side to dry his hands. Xiao Zhan’s hands are buried inside his pockets, so Yibo asks if he’s cold. Xiao Zhan doesn’t reply. The assistant stares at them from the side.

He leads Xiao Zhan out. They buy two corn-on-a-cobs from the street corner, still steaming with heat. Xiao Zhan gnaws at it with his two front teeth.

“When did you cut your hair?”

“After I was freed.”

Xiao Zhan studies his strange hairstyle. The two sides are shaved short while the long hair in the middle is combed back. “Is it so you can look meaner? So you can scare people the next time you fight?”

“Can’t you say more useful things?”

“What’s useful?”

“Are you married?”

“No.”

“Got a girlfriend?”

“No.”

“Wanna do it with me?”

Xiao Zhan wraps up his half-gnawed corn and tosses it into the trash can. “Is that all I’m good for?”

Wang Yibo shakes his head. He hasn’t eaten much either, but he tosses it too. The stray dogs look on hungrily.

“If you wanna do it, then come find me. It’ll be like before. It’s okay if you don’t wanna. I won’t cling.”

It’s completely dark out. Wang Yibo pulls the blanket up, wrapping Xiao Zhan up tightly. Then he asks, “You’re not going home?”

Xiao Zhan takes his arms out. He’s hot, actually. It’s even hotter with the two pressed together under the covers.

He watches the curtains billow and fall from the wind coming through the crack in the window and shakes his head to the rhythm. “Don’t want to move.”

“You wanna stay the night here?”

“Mn.”

They lay in bed together and watch the New Year’s concert. When it’s almost midnight, Yibo hugs Xiao Zhan, kissing him. After he gets hard, he enters. He hears the countdown in the TV and breathes into Xiao Zhan’s ears, “Hey, we fucked for a year.”

Xiao Zhan laughs, forehead pressed against his shoulder.

When they finish, the concert has long ended. The TV starts to play some family relationship drama. They lay in bed, super hungry, and realize that they didn’t even eat dinner yet.

Xiao Zhan gets out of bed without putting clothes on and opens the fridge. It’s empty, as usual. He can’t find a single grain of rice in the kitchen, so he climbs back into bed. Yibo reaches over to touch him but gets hit instead.

“Fuck off, Wang Yibo. I’m starving and you still want to do it.”

“I’ll feed you.”

“Fuck off.”

Xiao Zhan wraps himself up in the blanket and turns to the other side. They quiet down and watch the drama. When the female and male leads start kissing and stripping, Yibo turns the TV off.

“Why’d you turn it off?”

“You won’t let us have sex, so why should we watch?” He takes off his padded jacket and tosses it onto the foot of the bed. Lifting the blanket, he digs inside again.

He lies on his back while Xiao Zhan is on his side. There’s a big crack in the middle of the blanket. He tugs at it but, seeing Xiao Zhan’s bare shoulder, he puts it back.

“You never looked for anyone else?”

He’s turned off the lights and almost asleep when Xiao Zhan asks him that.

He wakes up.

“I’ll look after I go home.”

Xiao Zhan’s current workplace is far from his place. Yibo asked him if he needs to be picked up, but Xiao Zhan said no, he can take a taxi. So Yibo never asks again.

One day, they meet on the street. Xiao Zhan is eating lunch with his colleagues while Yibo is chatting with a few friends. The two brush past each other as if they’re strangers. But when they’re inside Yibo’s small apartment, they wrap around each other without holding back. The entire room is filled with erotic scenes.

This is nice, he thinks. It’s just like before, but Wang Yibo is different. He’s grown up.

Xiao Zhan sucks on a noodle for a long time. When he finally finishes, he looks up to see his colleague’s confused face. The man asks him why he won’t just bite the noddle and he laughs. There’s no reason. He just wanted to.

You can’t reconnect something that’s been broken. Xiao Zhan feels like he’s too selfish.

He’s a standard asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the support!


	8. 08.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Xiao Zhan a good boy? Yibo looks at Xiao Zhan’s face after he falls asleep and thinks. If he’s really that good, he wouldn’t be such an asshole. But in the end, Yibo shakes his head. Xiao Zhan is too good. Otherwise, they would’ve already run off together.

January, it keeps raining in Chongqing. It’s not heavy—just floating in the sky. It’s the type of drizzle that isn’t enough for an umbrella, but without it, your hair still gets wet.

It’s the end of the lunar year and the station is extremely busy. The crime rates shoot up, all small scuffles and fights. Xiao Zhan rarely goes home. He lives in the dorm and occasionally goes over to Wang Yibo.

Today, the sky isn’t dark yet when he gets off work. He hasn’t seen daylight outside in a long while.

His mom calls him, telling him to go home earlier today. Some family friend’s daughter has come for a visit. He knows what this means. He planned on going home after leaving the police station, but now, he reaches out his hand and takes a taxi to Yibo’s.

“How come you don’t use an umbrella?”

Wang Yibo takes a towel that he doesn’t usually use and sniffs it before handing it over. Xiao Zhan accepts it. It carries the soapy scent that Yibo always has.

The shop hasn’t closed yet. Xiao Zhan sits on the hood of a car, reading the cartoons and some erotic magazines they have. When Yibo walks over, Xiao Zhan waves the magazine, teasing him for having it. Yibo moves closer and scans it. “What, you want to try this position today?”

Xiao Zhan raises his leg and leaves a muddy shoeprint on Yibo’s jeans.

That night, Yibo indeed makes him try it. He leans against the metal door and it’s so cold, but he doesn’t dare make a sound, afraid that the passersby would hear what they’re doing. Yibo isn’t as tall as him, so he presses down Xiao Zhan’s waist. It feels like he’s going to snap in half.

Xiao Zhan’s phone is tossed onto the bedside table. Looking at the flashing green light, Yibo pats the back of Xiao Zhan’s head. The man is laying on him, head resting on his arms. There’s still sweat on his forehead. Yibo doesn’t know if he’s asleep or not with his eyes closed like that.

“What?”

“Your phone keeps flashing.”

Xiao Zhan wrinkles his nose. Doesn’t open his eyes.

“You won’t answer?” He brings the phone over to look. “Not even your mom’s call?”

“I’ll answer.”

He doesn’t move, so Yibo holds the phone to his ears. His mom is scolding him and he just listens patiently. When she finishes, he starts apologizing, saying there’s a case that he has to work on. He’ll bring wine over to apologize to that family friend next time.

When the call ends, Yibo puts the phone back onto the table. Wrapping an arm over Xiao Zhan, he hugs him tightly, saying, “I want my son to be a good boy like you.”

“Wang Yibo, you motherfucker.”

Xiao Zhan lifts his knee to hit Yibo’s bottom, but Yibo catches the knee as if he already guessed it.

Is Xiao Zhan a good boy? Yibo looks at Xiao Zhan’s face after he falls asleep and thinks. If he’s really that good, he wouldn’t be such an asshole. But in the end, Yibo shakes his head. Xiao Zhan is too good. Otherwise, they would’ve already run off together.

In the blink of an eye, it’s lunar new year again. Yibo still doesn’t go home. He watches the new year’s gala at home by himself. There are a pile of messages and calls, but Xiao Zhan doesn’t send him a single one. He doesn’t think about it either. They never wish each other a happy new year.

He ate dinner at his boss’s home today. Looking at the dumplings on TV at midnight, he gets hungry again, so he gets out of bed and rips open a bag of ramen. He tosses it into the pot, along with two eggs. Xiao Zhan bought the eggs last time, while he bought the ramen. When they get hungry at midnight, they cook a few bags and eat straight from the pot.

As soon as the noodles are done, someone knocks on the door. He sets the pot on the table. When he opens the door, Xiao Zhan starts yelling at him.

“Would it kill you to charge your phone?”

Yibo checks. His phone had died from all his gaming.

“How come you’re here?”

“I slipped out. There’s a bunch of kids at home. I have a headache.” He sets his bag down on the table and glances at the pot of ramen. “Toss it.”

He brings a few boxes of food from his bag. The dishes not in thermal boxes have already cooled, so he goes to the kitchen to heat them up. Yibo tosses the ramen into the trash so Xiao Zhan can have the pot.

“Who made it?”

“Me.”

“You can cook?”

Xiao Zhan tosses the food into the pot, ignoring him. Wang Yibo reaches for the dumplings on the side. Xiao Zhan tells him to wait because they’re all cold, but Yibo ignores him. He shoves them into his mouth and feels the urge to vomit after a while, but he swallows it when he sees Xiao Zhan staring at him.

“This taste…”

“What’s wrong?”

Yibo shakes his head. His stomach resists this taste.

“Can’t remember.”

Xiao Zhan gets up before daybreak and puts on his clothes to leave. He’s only slept a few hours. Yibo lays under the covers, teasing him. _Did you climb out of the window and have to get back before your parents wake up?_

Other than climbing out of the window, the rest is true. He puts on his hat and tells Yibo to heat up the food in the fridge before eating. Yibo tells him to not get eaten by the big bad wolf on the way back. Xiao Zhan takes off the red knit hat he just put on and throws it onto Yibo’s face. Then he puts on his backpack and leaves.

Yibo takes the hat off his face. Hugging it, he turns around and goes back to sleep.

Xiao Zhan rests at home at the beginning of the new lunar year. His friends call him to hang out, but his nephew insists on tagging along, and they go watch the new year’s movie at the theater. It’s completely packed and too loud. As soon as he sits down, his nephew shoots up and calls out “Wang Yibo!”

Xiao Zhan freezes, gaping at his nephew. The kid looks around everywhere. Xiao Zhan follows his gaze around and finally sees Wang Yibo sitting in the last row with his friends. Someone waves, calling out his name.

Yibo looks at him. He doesn’t know if he should continue to pretend like they’re strangers. Xiao Zhan’s friend asks, so he says that it’s an old friend. They haven’t seen each other for a long time.

His nephew kneels on the seat and calls to Yibo, yelling at him to play games with him. He doesn’t sit down obediently until Xiao Zhan spanks him.

When the movie ends, Yibo catches up to Xiao Zhan, asking why that kid knows him. Xiao Zhan rolls his eyes. _He doesn’t know you. He only knows someone called Wang Yibo got rid of his record for Snake. He cried for hours._

Xiao Zhan works on Valentine’s Day. The girl on the team receives a giant bouquet of roses and everyone laughs at Xiao Zhan for being the only bachelor on the team. They don’t get why he looks the way he does and still can’t find a girlfriend. Xiao Zhan just replies that he wants to focus on his career.

At lunch, he gets Yibo’s text. Hesitating a bit, he makes an excuse to his colleague and runs out alone. Yibo is at the bus station on his motorcycle. It’s actually quite far from the police station, so Xiao Zhan changed his clothes. Some new officers greet him along the way and he just smiles at them.

Frowning, he asks Yibo why he’s here.

Wang Yibo hands Xiao Zhan a roll of newspapers. There’s a rose inside, but it’s wrapped up tightly and it’s hard for others to tell what it is. Xiao Zhan doesn’t accept it.

“You should go.”

Yibo doesn’t insist on giving it to him. He just says, “I have to go out with my boss. Won’t be home for a few days.”

Xiao Zhan nods, saying he got it, and then leaves. Yibo crosses the intersection on his motorcycle and gives the rose to the kid who sells flowers at the side of the road. The kid even thanks him.

He and Xiao Zhan can only exist in that small room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, i thought there were 10 chapters, but there are actually 11!!!
> 
> as always, thank you so much for the support~


	9. 09.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wang Yibo knows that he’s lost his mind. He can feel the man struggling under him, but he can’t find any patience for Xiao Zhan anymore. What right does he have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a while. i'm so busy T____T
> 
> but wow, 100+ kudos! thanks everyone for the support so far~

Xiao Zhan is very busy. April, the station starts rating for excellent officers and he’s busy organizing material. As soon as he hands them in, the upper officials pass down more missions and he accepts without a word of complaint.

When a colleague places the takeout lunch onto his table, he thanks the man and checks his email while eating. His colleague asks why he’s working so hard at his young age. He replies that if he doesn’t push himself, then he’ll get forced to marry.

“Why don’t you want to get married?”

“I like my freedom.”

The colleague chokes on his cucumber. After coughing for a long while, he sits beside the table. “Your friend’s motorcycle is really cool. His girlfriend is pretty too. Can you introduce me to him? I want to buy a motorcycle too.”

Xiao Zhan’s chopsticks freeze in the air. “What friend? What girlfriend?”

“The one we met at the theater. I saw him while going to work today. He was riding his motorcycle with his girlfriend. Really cool.”

“Oh.” Xiao Zhan picks up the piece of eggplant that he was about to throw away and places it inside his mouth. “I’m not close to him.”

He ignores Wang Yibo. It’s already a week later when Yibo contacts him, but he doesn’t answer the call. After another week, he texts Xiao Zhan asking if he’s coming. The next day, Xiao Zhan replies, _yeah_.

Yibo didn’t think that Xiao Zhan would come straight to the shop. He rarely comes.

Xiao Zhan sits on the hood of a cross-country car, playing on his phone, and doesn’t talk. Yibo walks over and slaps Xiao Zhan’s ass, telling him to get off. He finished repairing this car today and has to take it to the customer.

It’s the assistant’s third time seeing Xiao Zhan. He’s heard of things like this before, but he’s never seen it before, so he’s curious. But he’s not entirely sure, so he just squats on the side, asking, “Bo-ge, are you dating?”

“Dating my ass.” Yibo gives the car a final checkup, slams the door, and tells him to go deliver it.

Xiao Zhan sits on a chair to the side. He’s expressionless, as if this is none of his business.

Thinking that he might’ve said something wrong, the assistant doesn’t dare to say anything else and runs off with the car.

Yibo finishes cleaning up and comes out; Xiao Zhan is spacing out while staring at his motorcycle. He walks over, asking Xiao Zhan if he wants to ride the motorcycle back. Xiao Zhan turns around. _Aren’t you afraid that I’ll crush your bike?_ Yibo inserts his key, saying that he’ll give him a ride.

Xiao Zhan shakes his head and starts walking off by himself. Sitting on the motorcycle, Yibo watches Xiao Zhan. It’s just like years before, leaving without any further explanation, without even looking back. It’s like it doesn’t matter whether Yibo’s here or there or nowhere at all.

He doesn’t even know what they’re going to do today.

Yibo pushes the bike back into the shop instead of chasing after him. There are a few hundred meters between them now and Xiao Zhan disappears after rounding a corner. When Yibo gets home, Xiao Zhan is waiting for him downstairs. They go up one after another.

Yibo chuckles helplessly when he opens the door. Why do they have sex like they owe each other?

In bed, Xiao Zhan cups his face and kisses him, kissing his lips and then his neck. They hug for a long time without moving. When Yibo’s finger tries to reach in, he lets go and sits to the side, not letting Yibo continue.

“Remember to tell me if you date,” Xiao Zhan says to him.

“You wanna date me?” Yibo looks at him.

“What are you thinking? If you date, then we’ll cut ties. It’ll be disgusting if we continue.”

“What’s disgusting? It’s not disgusting if you talk about your blind dates in bed?”

“Fuck off, Wang Yibo.” Xiao Zhan turns his head, annoyed.

Yibo hates Xiao Zhan telling him to fuck off. Xiao Zhan tells him to fuck off when he doesn’t need him, tells him to fuck off when he’s unhappy. Says he doesn’t want him anymore and that’s that. What right does he have?

Yibo grabs Xiao Zhan’s wrists and presses him onto the bed. He can feel the man struggling under him, but he can’t find any patience for Xiao Zhan anymore.

“You kiss me and then tell me to fuck off. Who’s the one making things hard?

“You cling to me every day and then say you don’t love me. Aren’t you tired yet?

“Did you have a better life in the years that I fucked off?

“Is it my fault that you left the girlfriend your mom introduced you to at home and ran over to get into my bed?

“You think you’re not gay if you don’t fucking admit it?”

Wang Yibo knows that he’s lost his mind and he doesn’t even feel pain when Xiao Zhan punches him in the face. Blood just starts spurting out.

The room falls silent. Xiao Zhan gets out of bed and tosses tissues at him. Yibo pulls out a bunch to stuff up his nose and Xiao Zhan sits on the side, ignoring him.

Yibo leans against the wall. It’s cold against his back. Seeing Xiao Zhan sitting there still naked, he wipes his hands clean of blood and picks up the jacket on the foot of the bed. He places it over Xiao Zhan and apologizes.

“I’ll leave when you get married,” he said. “Disappear from your eyes. You’ll never see me for the rest of your life.”

The bleeding finally stops. He goes to the bathroom and washes his face, but his nose is still red.

When he comes out, Xiao Zhan smiles at him.

“I might not get married until I’m 35.”

He sees the redness in the corners of Xiao Zhan’s eyes. It’s just like when he goes too hard in bed and Xiao Zhan cries.

“Then I’ll stay with you 'til you’re 35.”

They end up not having sex that day. They just lay in bed, back to back, but no one falls asleep. Yibo expects Xiao Zhan to leave. When he rolls over and sees the man still lying beside him, he suddenly feels like he’s already gotten enough.

He turns and hugs Xiao Zhan, scooting close to the back of his neck. Whether he’s just showered or is sweating from sex, that herbal scent always lingers faintly on Xiao Zhan, like it’s melded into his bones.

Yibo opens his mouth and bites down softly on the bone protruding slightly on the back of Xiao Zhan’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehehehe yibo finally yells at xiao zhan for being an asshole


	10. 10.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you said you love me last time, guess if I’d go with you.”
> 
> “I’m not guessing.” Yibo gets out of his arms. He lays on his back and closes his eyes. “Who still dreams at this age?”

Wang Yibo installs air conditioning in his apartment. He’s used that electric fan for so many years. It broke many times, he fixed it many times, and it still stops working in the end.

The day that they install the air conditioning, Xiao Zhan twists the fan’s head back and forth. The cracks sound like an old man getting his leg broken. It annoys Yibo and he tells Xiao Zhan to let it go.

Xiao Zhan shakes his head. “I love this fan so much. Why did it have to break?”

Yibo turns on the new air conditioning with the remote and the room cools down quickly. Xiao Zhan’s t-shirt that was soaked with sweat dries too.

“It’s been seven years. Should toss it,” Yibo says about the fan.

Xiao Zhan’s finger reaches through the bars to turn the metal parts and the fan turns slowly.

Wang Yibo was 18 years old when he bought the fan. Now, he’s 25.

Wang Yibo was 22 when he said he’d accompany him to 35. Now, he’s 31.

They don’t have many years left.

“I’ll bring it home,” Xiao Zhan says to the fan.

“Why do you want it?”

“Just keep it. It’ll be valuable in a few generations.”

“You’re stupid.”

They make love for the first time with air conditioning, but Xiao Zhan still sweats. He sits on Yibo and spaces out. Lowering his head, he asks something when his mind isn’t really clear.

“Wang Yibo, do you love me?”

Yibo halts and then thrusts again. He’s never heard the word “love” from Xiao Zhan’s lips.

“Xiao Zhan, let me live.”

Many of the neighbors around here know Xiao Zhan. They don’t see him often though, because he usually comes at night and leaves in the morning. If he’s here during the day, then he’s either sleeping the whole time or watching TV in bed. He doesn’t go out.

Yibo returns from the shop, buys groceries, and calls Xiao Zhan to make food. Nowadays, they don’t have sex all the time. They just eat dinner, watch TV, and sleep in bed.

It’s no different from regular life—just that they pretend their strangers outside the room.

“Some of the aunties downstairs just asked if you’re married yet. They want to introduce girls to you.”

“They probably just want to know our relationship.” Xiao Zhan tastes the food in the pan. It’s a bit spicy and Yibo probably won’t be able to eat it. He adds some sugar.

Sometimes, when he’s tired of laying in bed, he goes to enjoy the sun on the rooftop. The aunties sit outside their doors on their small stools when they’re bored and chat. They’re loud; he can hear it from the roof.

The aunties wonder if they’re gay. Some say no, some say it’ll be a pity if they’re gay, and others say he’s already in his thirties and still not married. He’s so attractive. Is it normal to not be married?

It’s not normal. He hasn’t been normal in a long time.

Usually, he sits on a stool and listens to them talk. Sometimes, he’s impressed by their imagination and he even eavesdrops while snacking on a bag of sunflower seeds. Once, he heard one woman say that her friend’s daughter got into the city’s police station and that he’s one of the officials. The people there can’t be gay.

He crushed the seed in his hands. Some splinters dug into his fingers and it took forever to get them out.

“I’ll tell them you married next time?” Yibo asks, leaning against the kitchen door.

“Don’t.” Xiao Zhan passes him the dishes. “Why lie to them? If they gossip that I’m cheating on my wife, then I’ll be ruined.”

When they sleep at night, Xiao Zhan hugs Yibo and musses his hair. A few years back, he stopped letting Yibo have that kind of hairstyle, saying that he looks nicer, softer, with longer hair. After that, Yibo kept a slightly long fringe, just like when he was a teenager.

Xiao Zhan twirls Yibo’s hair around his finger and gets to the end in a few turns. Twisting that strand of hair, he tells Yibo to guess something.

“What?” Yibo asks in his arms.

“If you said you love me last time, guess if I’d go with you.”

“I’m not guessing.” Yibo gets out of his arms. He lays on his back and closes his eyes. “Who still dreams at this age?”

“You’re no fun.”

“I don’t need you to guess. If you admit that you love me, then I’ll follow you. I’ll do anything you want me to.” He turns his head at Xiao Zhan. “Do you admit that?”

Xiao Zhan doesn’t reply.

“See?” He looks away and shrugs. “You only follow yourself.”

Xiao Zhan reaches over to turn off the lights and closes his eyes. He doesn’t doubt that if he says he loves Yibo, then Yibo would stay hidden in this small room with him forever. But he still wants to dream, even at this age. He doesn’t want to offend his family, his work, or   
Yibo. He wants everything and, in the end, it seems that the only thing he can give up is Wang Yibo.

Why? Maybe because he feels that he can’t do this forever. If he abandons Yibo, he’d have everything else. He’s still more logical than emotional.

He feels that Wang Yibo loves him a bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter will be out this week asdfasdf i swear it's a happy ending!
> 
> and i hope everyone understands why xz is so hesitant. yibo is reckless and does whatever he wants, but xz grew up obedient, following all the rules, obeying his mother etc. so it's a lot harder for him to take risks


	11. 11.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He takes apart a bike, making it just as mangled as the one that Xiao Zhan crashed back then. He wants to see if he can fix something as broken as that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about the dumplings, isaih mentioned something that i didn't realize:  
> "the cold dumpling in the first new year night was cooked by xiao zhan, zhan hesitated so he gave the cold dumpling to the boss, let him bring it to yibo. Yibo realise it when he eat dumpling with xiao zhan a few years later"
> 
> also, xz once said that he plans on getting married when he's 35. that's why bxg look forward to 2026 so much haha
> 
> anyway, last chapter! pls enjoy~

The meeting lasts for a long time. He’s in charge of running it today, but his phone suddenly rings. Expression turning awkward, he glances at the screen and turns it off.

He looks up at the clock on the wall. It’s past 10 already—in two more hours, it would be his birthday. He doesn’t listen to the rest of what is being said. In the end, someone on the side nudges him and he snaps back to reality, dismissing the meeting with a nod. He can’t even keep track of how many days he’s worked overtime, but he can’t help it. There’s only one position and so many people are dying to squeeze into it.

He has his subordinates go back first while he sits in the meeting room for a bit more.

His phone was off the entire time. During the meeting, Wang Yibo kept messaging him, saying he’s waiting at the bus station.

The last time Yibo said that, it was Valentine’s Day seven years ago, when Yibo said he’s leaving for a while. At that time, he said he would come back.

Xiao Zhan changes clothes and walks to the station. Yibo is looking up at something. It’s a cloudy night—there’s no moon or any stars in the sky.

“Why are you still waiting?”

“You never replied, so I just waited.”

“If I'd known, I wouldn’t have come,” Xiao Zhan says, hands in his pockets. “Make you wait forever.”

Yibo gives him a box. Xiao Zhan asks what it is, but Yibo just tells him to take it.

It’s Xiao Zhan’s first time accepting something from Yibo. He opens the box. The perfume inside is too familiar.

“It’s not my birthday yet.”

“I’m leaving. Train at dawn.”

“Back to Luoyang?”

“Yeah. Happy birthday,” Yibo says. “Don’t use it on your wedding.”

Xiao Zhan tosses the perfume and box into the trash can nearby and leaves. He hears the sound of a motorcycle revving behind him. It fades quickly.

Yibo likes the perfume and that’s why Xiao Zhan never told him that he hates it.

The first time they met, the scent on him was the gift he’d bought for his girlfriend when they planned on spending New Years in his hometown. They had a fight and broke up. The perfume bottle fell onto the ground, shattering and splashing all over him.

At that time, he didn’t want to go home, but he didn’t know where else he could go, so he bought a ticket for the slowest train. And then he met Wang Yibo.

Xiao Zhan walks toward the police station. He’s probably going to work all night again. But after walking for a while, his stomach acts up, so he squats down and presses his stomach with a fist. After staying there for a long time, he stands up to continue walking. No one can tell any difference. He’s still tall and straight.

He’s going to have to eat no matter how busy he is, he thinks. After all, only his life belongs to him.

After returning home, Wang Yibo sleeps for days. He doesn’t do anything other than eat, and doesn’t talk a lot either. His childhood friends are still like before, used to teasing each other when they hang out. They ask him, _where’s your girlfriend? Did she run off with someone? You couldn’t survive down there? Did you get kicked back here?_

Yibo ignores them.

“You doing your old job again?”

“What you steal back there?”

He’s taking apart a bike, making it just as mangled as the one that Xiao Zhan crashed back then. He wants to see if he can fix something as broken as that.

“I stole a rose,” he says without thinking.

They all stare at him like he’s stupid and ask where it is.

“I couldn’t bring it back.”

The bike falls apart and he tosses the wrench onto the ground. He can’t fix it.

He stays home for half a year and then goes out to find a job. He’s good at fixing cars, so a lot of shops fight for him. On his first day of work, the new boss pulls him aside to talk about his career goals, about opening a new shop in the future. His technique is good, so if he does well, he can manage that new shop.

Wang Yibo patronizes him and drinks the alcohol in his glass. He thinks of his boss.

He still owes 50,000 yuan.

Taking his remaining savings and borrowing some from his parents, he transfers it to his boss. Now, he’s done paying all 180,000 yuan.

While working in the afternoon, he gets a text notification from the bank. His boss returned the money.

The man calls, saying, _I couldn’t reach your friend. Just give him the money yourself. I can’t transfer it to him if you give it to me now._

He doesn’t say who that friend is and Yibo doesn’t ask. He just stands there after hanging up, and it’s like when he found the 500 yuan in his pockets that year. He kicks the back of the car. The loosened board dents and falls down.

He calls Xiao Zhan, but the number doesn’t exist anymore. Then he calls his Chongqing friends to help him look. A while later, his friend sends him a number, saying it’s probably a work phone. He got transferred and isn’t in Chongqing anymore.

Wang Yibo dials—it’s a Beijing number. The call goes through, but no one picks up. When he goes home at night, he finds his friends who fool around everywhere and uses their phone to call Xiao Zhan. When the person on the other end picks up and says _hello_ , he knows it’s Xiao Zhan.

“It’s Yibo.

“Don’t you dare hang up.

“You paid for the bail?

“You’re the one who got me out?

“You just want me to owe you, huh?”

“Yeah.” Xiao Zhan’s answer is so matter-of-fact.

Then he says that he’s busy and hangs up. Wang Yibo almost cracks his tooth from grinding them too hard. He clutches the phone, barely keeping himself from smashing it onto the ground.

The next day, he calls Xiao Zhan with his own phone. Xiao Zhan doesn’t pick up, but he doesn’t turn the phone off or blacklist him either, so he keeps calling. They keep at it for a long time and finally, Xiao Zhan picks up with a sigh. He says he’ll give Yibo the account number and he can transfer the money.

Wang Yibo says no.

“Then, what do you want?”

“I’m at the Beijing Train Station. Come get it from me, or I’ll have my Chongqing friend send it to your family.”

He sits on a bench before the train station from day to night. When Xiao Zhan comes, he’s playing a game on his phone. Xiao Zhan sits to the side and waits until he’s done.

“Do you still want my company?” he asks Xiao Zhan.

He doesn’t care anymore if Xiao Zhan loves him or not. Anything is fine. Anything Xiao Zhan says goes.

He surrenders. He won’t struggle anymore.

Xiao Zhan leans back in the seat and looks down, picking at his nails.

There are a lot of people in the train station and many passersby would glance at them. Xiao Zhan pulls down the black face mask hanging on his ears and kisses Wang Yibo on the lips.

From 19 years old to 29, this is his second innocent kiss with Xiao Zhan.

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll get found out?”

“If I do, then I’ll quit.” Xiao Zhan stretches his legs out lazily. “Retire and go home.”

“You wanna go to Luoyang by then?”

“Does it snow in Luoyang?”

Wang Yibo thinks for a bit. “Almost every year.”

“That’s great.”

He returns the money to Xiao Zhan, saying, _I’ll never leave you again._

That year, Xiao Zhan is 35.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the author says that she doesn't continue writing after they get together because then the story would never end lol
> 
> anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT. i translate because i want more people to see these amazing fics and i'm so happy when people like it.  
> the author has another (longer) fic that i just finished reading and i might translate it too
> 
> if anyone has translation requests, please let me know~  
> i also write my own bjyx and wangxian fics too  
> and if anyone wants to be friends:
> 
> weibo: passion95x  
> twitter/lofter: fefedove (i don't really use twitter tho)
> 
> once again, thanks for being on this journey with me :)))


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